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Noise Noise Noise.
14 July 2008 @ 05:37 pm
i found out a couple of things recently:


- my dog zamee is a basenji (i knew that already) which happens to be the worlds most efficent killing dog.
 from what i can see he is the worlds most efficent sleeping dog but according to the vet i am wrong.
my mom told me that he sliced a rabbit into two pieces in one bite.
he is badass.


- i found out that although i started taking ritalin when i was seven, my mom took me off it from age eight untill i started 5th grade, which means i can't blame my add pills for my eating disorder. which means that the question that has influenced my life the most for the past ten years is again unanswered.


awesome
 
 
Noise Noise Noise.
14 July 2008 @ 05:21 pm
 I'm not going to go into details, but shit, that's ironic, or coincidental, or both. Either way, I think I found peace of mind today, at least a bit of it. 

And you out there; yes, YOU, congradulations. It happens to the best of us.
 
 
Current Mood: lovedloved
 
 
Noise Noise Noise.
14 July 2008 @ 12:23 pm


d e t o x 




waterfest 14 and seaside this weekend
i need to reconnect with brendan and everyone i feel like an asshole.
i'm hanging out with sarah on wednesday:]
lets get healthy for real

 
 
Noise Noise Noise.
12 July 2008 @ 11:50 am
 my parents are going to feel like such assholes when they get home.
 
 
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: 12step rebels
 
 
Noise Noise Noise.
03 July 2008 @ 05:32 pm
i  found out that i've gained two pounds today.
i'm numbing right now thank you very much.
we're not barbequeing tonight for our aneversary [sp] and i'm glad.
i didnt even know when our anniversary was untill yesterday when kevin asked me if i had any clue.
i bought him colonge 
burberry.
diana gave me the emergency hotline number last session, knowing that someone out there knows better than to leave me alone makes me uncomfortable. i bet i make you uncomfortable.
 
 
 
 
Noise Noise Noise.
12 June 2008 @ 09:25 am
 I don't really update this anymore, probobly because i've hit a mental block, and because I hate this shit.
I graduated high shool a couple weeks ago, and i was prom queen. and i hated it.
i wish i could think in a more positive manner; I got my period again this month, so you can't expect me to be happy.
It's crazy, the way that something so natural can drive me up the walls. I still wish my period never came back. I still wish i never gained back all of my weight. I still wish i wasn't in treatment, and I still wish that I didn't have an eating disorder.

but i do, and i have for way too long to let myself get the short end of the stick, so i was thinking maybe i could use my symptoms only on the weekdays like i did when i was little.

I know that is wrong, and i know that if i loose any weight i'm going inpatient instead of college. and i can't do that to myself, not after so long.

but i'm still pissed:
you'd think that my parents would throw me in treatment when i was 15: at my lowest weight, when i was already 7 years into my eating disorder, when they found out i had a problem.  so, please, call me out if i'm wrong for saying this, but what the fuck is up with them throwing me into the lion's den when i've been around the block for nearly ten years. it's torture.

I'M NOT EVEN UNDERWEIGHT ANYMORE
&THAT'S THE HARDEST PART FOR ME.
ACTUALLY BEING FAT.


and this my friends is why i don't use livejournal anymore.


 
 
Current Mood: highhigh
 
 
Noise Noise Noise.
 UPDATE: 
-I started treatment recently, for a nine year long defective relationship with food
-Delightful
-I had panera bread for the first time 
-I got into Ramapo College yesterday
-I didn't even apply to Bard
-I don't want to talk about it
-Bennington app needed an analytical essay. We started writing them in class last week, I've got 1/3 of a page
-Flourescent lighting, valentines, hoochie mommas, ogden
-Kate Nash
-Daddy Yankee
-Perm
-Gold hoops
-Telephone tag with the last person I should be talking to
-PUNK ROCK
-It's a lifestyle choice





we wouldn't care anyways.
 
 
Current Mood: fullfull
Current Music: peaches
 
 
Noise Noise Noise.
04 September 2007 @ 06:15 pm
today i  have 30 days clean.
just throwing that out there.
 
 
Noise Noise Noise.
03 September 2007 @ 10:17 am
 i dedicate the rest of my life to storm king boiz & CHAMISUL.